for Kim
I will miss you.
Although your heart was cold at times, I knew you hurt deeply inside.
And that the coldness was something you didn’t know how to control, or change.
Your façade protected you, or so you thought.
That smile you painted on your face,
never quite reached your heart, but you kept smiling.
We had some great times - fun, playful, silly;
we did it all together, and those memories will always live on in my heart.
Bubble gum and peanut butter.
I watched as you lost that playful nature; I knew.
I saw you close off the world and those that truly loved you.
I felt the push, and reacted - just the way you wanted me to.
I stepped back.
I need you to know that in stepping back, I never turned my back on you -
I would have been there in a heartbeat, had you asked.
Why didn’t you?
Did you feel so unloved,
were you so angry that reaching out to me would have been so terrible a thing to do?
I’d forgiven you your faults.
I’d let go of the cruel things you’d said to me, when last we saw one another.
Yet now I will never know if you’d forgiven me.
There is some comfort in knowing that you don’t hurt.
That all the pain the cancer caused, is past,
and finally your heart and soul are at peace.
I can’t do anything for you now,
other than to be their for your daughter;
My niece.
That sweet soul you damaged so deeply -
and never even knew.
Her pain will not be your legacy!
I will fight to the death, if I have to -
She will heal and know her own value.
Something you never gave her.
She is precious, unique;
She is beautiful, and she is loved.
Bubble gum and peanut butter?
That will forever be our secret - yours and mine.
And I will always love you.
Your sister,
Jude
~back~